The Unwilling Professor

On a drab afternoon behind Bateman College’s athletic fields, two struggling math students—Fatty Schultz, whose calculus grades are spiraling, and Irv Lece, who fancies a retreat to a cave to relearn arithmetic—wander in a state of frustration. Their fraternity, Omega Pi Upsilon, shares the same dread of the bewildering curriculum that stretches from Aardvark Breeding to Zythum Brewing. While tossing rocks at a battered textbook, a metallic disc thuds nearby, catching their attention.

The disc splits open to reveal a rabbit‑sized alien in a crisp British accent, introducing himself as Iglowt P. Slakmak, a goodwill ambassador from Venus with degrees that eclipse any Earthly doctorate. He immediately corrects the boys’ integration limits, pointing out a “discontinuity at pi‑over‑three,” turning their academic embarrassment into a bizarre lesson. Pressed by a mission to report Earth before a rival contacts Mars, the rabbit ropes Fatty and Irv into a comedic scramble that mixes campus woes with interstellar intrigue.